Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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