You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
