mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
