I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
