I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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