found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The Olympian is in my bed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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