I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
