Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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