Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
