i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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