exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
