Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
