He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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