How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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