I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
