Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
