Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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