You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
