me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
