Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
