New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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