I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Found your dick twin last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
