glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
