I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize