hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
