non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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