im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
