i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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