i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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