someone threw a dead crab at me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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