...so i touched it.
I've blown a few things in my day
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
