How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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