So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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