lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
