I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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