dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
