at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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