there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
