Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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