i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
