Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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