Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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