If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
