I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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