apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize