I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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