You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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