i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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