is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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