I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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