If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
