when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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