I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
