I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
