im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
