you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
