So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
