Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize