i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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