Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize