Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
