I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
