I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
