Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
