It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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