Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
