rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
