They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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