I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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