Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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