My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
