the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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