My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
