If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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