That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
