i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
