Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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