My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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