Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
