I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
