1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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