that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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