Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
