Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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